Junk Food Nation, sorry for the delay.  When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade, and when life gives you Microsoft Outlook…you smash your head into a wall. Anyways, I finally have time to breathe.  And that’s right. Back to back baseball posts.  I LOVE IT.  Last night, I was sitting at home, turned the Cardinals-Marlins game on, eating a fat sandwich, and the Baseball Tonight music came on, and I sighed…. it felt like I had just come home after being away for so long.  Hello, Baseball.  Wanna make out?

Yesterday ESPN had a number of their writers and on-screen talent make their predictions for the upcoming baseball season.  You can find those results here.  I wanted to get in on it, so without further ado, my predictions!

Wait, this is a junk food blog, right?  Ok, fine.  My predictions after the jump.

I was wandering through my local Giant food mart when I saw this little box:

The Money Box...I mean, shot.

It said, “Vote for the Top Cheese 2012!” and it contained Baby Swiss, Cheddar Jack, and Colby Cheez-Its.  Why not? Election season is here; voting in DC happened earlier this week.  But what are we voting on here?

3 of 8 candidates need to git in my belly.

According to its Facebook Page and webpage, Cheez-Its is just doing this as a fun promotion during the Election Season, putting up their current eight varieties of Cheez-Its for popular vote.  The winner gets…nothing.  Well, that’s neat.

Wait, where's Original? BOOOO

Damnit, and the voting ended TODAY!  Sorry, Junk Food Nation.  Your voices won’t be heard.

BTW, where’s Reduced Fat, huh, Cheez-Its?  Exclusive jerks, hating on independent groups.

The goods

My voter box, as it were, contained Baby Swiss Cheez-Its, Cheddar Jack Cheez-Its, and Colby Cheez-Its.  Despite my junk foodie-ness, I’m not sure if I’d ever tasted ANY of these three before, so this was going to be a treat for me.

Cute yet ridiculous

Each box contains one of these cards.  Get a taste of each candidate…clever.  Except these images are not clever.  Why does Pepper Jack have a monocle, and Mozzarella wearing pearls?   Clearly I haven’t been to Facebook to get a taste.

Baby Swiss Cheez-Its

Closeup on Baby Swiss

What can I say, when I first chewed these, they tasted like Swiss.  I got that initial Swiss bite and then the lighter cheese taste on the back of my tongue I normally associate with Swiss.  Once I started tasting the Swiss, however, the cheddar of the cracker emerged and I couldn’t seem to re-grasp that Swiss taste.  Every subsequent Cheez-It, in my head, just tasted of cheddar.  Damnit.

Solution – pour the entire package into mouth and chew vigorously.  YES, THERE’S the Swiss flavor!

Cheddar Jack Cheez-Its

Closeup on Cheddar Jack

These crackers DEFINITELY had lots of garlic, tomato, and paprika flavor added to it.  In contrast to the earlier Baby Swiss and the later Colby, these Cheez-Its socked me in the mouth with flavor.  The garlic flavor was REALLY strong, I was kinda surprised it was so distinct.  Did I taste Cheddar and Monterey jack?  …Not really.  Did I taste salt, paprika, and garlic.  YES.  Not a fan, Cheez-Its.

Colby Cheez-Its

Closeup on Colby

These were very Colby tasting, in that they SORT of tasted just of straight cheddar, but something was there to mute the taste.  It was weird – I almost felt like there was something on these crackers that SUPPRESSED the normally extra cheddary flavor of the Cheez-IT. These had a rounder flavor and didn’t exhibit the more sour, sharper flavor of a straight up normal Cheez-It.  Good Cheese taste, with a LITTLE restraint.

If I was gonna vote amongst these three?  I’d rank the Colby as my favorite, then the Baby Swiss, then the Cheddar Jack.  I dunno – something weird about TOO much added flavor when it comes to Cheez-Its.  I prefer for the cheese flavor just to sing – no additives needed.

—–

So the following are my 2012 MLB predictions, with some commentary.  I also asked a work friend, a law school friend, and a Clout Wars owner to give me their predictions too.  My commentary on their absurd picks follows after.

Enjoy!

Junk Food Guy Predictions:

AL EAST: Yankees – yeah, I’m a homer, what of it? This is aclearly a homer pick, but I think that offense will carry New York into the postseason.  The Sox have too many pitching issues.

AL CENTRAL: Tigers – You can’t beat what Leyland has done with that pitching staff, and the addition of Prince Fielder can ONLY help. As long as Miggy Cabrera stops using his face to block the ball.

AL WEST: Rangers – They subtracted CJ Wilson and added Yu Darvish?  I think that’s a win!  If Darvish can live up to expectation, this will be a very dangerous playoff team.

AL Wildcard 1: Rays – Possibly the best young rotation in the league, with Price, Shields, Hellickson, Matt Moore and Jeff Niemann/Wade Davis.  If Evan Longoria can put together a full MVP season, as a Yankees fan, I’d be scared.

AL Wildcard 2: Angels – They’ll make it based on sheer power.  Weaver, Santana, Haren, and CJ Wilson might be the best veteran staff in the game.  Adding Pujols only boosts that normally questionable lineup.

ALCS: Yankees & Tigers – To be fair, I think it’ll be a tossup between New York, Detroit, and Tampa here.  Plus, I’m forecasting the World Series will be won by whoever comes out of the ALCS.

AL Champs: Yankees – Why not, jerks?

NL EAST: Braves – When you first look at the Braves, you think, meh.  Tommy Hanson is hurt, Jair Jurrgens hasn’t been superb, Brandon Beachy is really young.  But then what do they have? One more year of Jason Heyward, the best leadoff hitter in Michael Bourn, and Craig Kimbrel.  That will propel them; you watch.

NL CENTRAL: Reds – Super offense will win this dreadful division.  Votto and Bruce are going to have slugging contests even on off days.  Is Latos can turn in a good season, the Reds may surprise.

NL WEST: D-Backs – A sexy pick of many analysts, apparently Arizona is one of those teams that is better in real life than on paper.  But the pitching and bullpens are solid, and Justin Upton could be the MVP.

NL Wildcard 1: Cardinals – I think the Cards have a balanced lineup up and down.  They have veteran leadership and Adam Wainwright is back.  They won’t miss Pujols, mark it.

NL Wildcard 2: Nationals – THAT’S RIGHT, BITCHES!  This is the year the Nats make the playoffs.  If they had one more big bat (*cough* Bryce Harper) then I’d be picking them to finish first in the NL.

NLCS: Braves & Cardinals – I picked the two teams with the best balance of bats and arms, vets and young’ins.  I’m just not sure if Arizona, Cincy, or the Nats have enough postseason experience yet.

NL Champs: Cardinals – I can’t believe I picked them. The NL MUST be awful. But I can’t find another team that (1) has playoff experience, that (2) has a definite ace (Wainwright), and (3) that has a good bullpen.

WORLD SERIES: Yankees – YES!  Mark my words, the WS winner will come from the American League.

AL Cy Young: Justin Verlander – His love of Taco Bell aside, Verlander seems to have it all figured out. I expect a big season from him; I’m not worried about the defense at third from Cabrera.  He has the ability, like Halladay, to prevent a bad season from following a good one.

NL Cy Young: Adam Wainwright – Picked solely because while Kershaw is good, I think Wainwright is going to have to have a MONSTER season for the Cardinals to get back into the playoffs after losing Carpenter and Pujols and LaRussa.  If this happens, Adam W. will be a shoe-in for Cy Young.  Sorry Cain, Lincecum, Kershaw and the Phils.

AL MVP: Albert Pujols – Pujols is gonna feast on AL pitching, and bring the Angels back into the playoffs.  This one’s easy, to me.

NL MVP: Joey Votto – Did you know that out of all the Top 10 first basemen in the league in terms of homers, average, etc…Votto is the ONLY one in the NL?  That’s absurd.  With Pujols and Prince moving to the American League, Votto is all by his lonesome. He will carry that Reds team to the Division title and earn an MVP on the way.

AL Rookie of the Year: Yu Darvish – he’s basically a professional already.  Just give it to him.

NL Rookie of the Year: Bryce Harper – The Nats aren’t stupid.  He’ll either be called up early enough this year to give him a full opportunity to win this award and earn tons of media coverage and bring the Nats glory, or they’ll call him up way late in order to preserve his chances for next year.  I’m guessing the earlier.

AL Manager of the Year: Jim Leyland – If he can figure out how to make Prince and Miggy Cabrera hit 90 HRs combined, and make the Detroit staff which features Drew Smyly, I think this one’s a lock.

NL Manager of the Year: Mike Matheny – If the Cards make it back without Carp, LaRussa, and Pujols, it’ll be because Matheny managed his ass off.

AL Bust of the Year: James Shields – He’s just not a Cy Young talent. I don’t care what anyone says.  This 2.82 ERA, 16 game winner had 11 complete games last year. He’s bound for a big regression.

NL Bust of the Year: Ryan Braun – he’s gonna get booed everywhere and he’s going to be trying extra hard to prove he’s off the juice (I mean, never was on the juice, sorry).  That’ll get into his head.  Busterooney.

Colleague Corey’s Predictions:

AL EAST: Yankees

AL CENTRAL: Tigers

AL WEST: Rangers

AL Wildcard 1: Rays

AL Wildcard 2: Angels

ALCS: Yankees & Rangers

AL Champs: Yankees

NL EAST: Phillies

NL CENTRAL: Cardinals

NL WEST: Colorado

NL Wildcard 1: Braves

NL Wildcard 2: Giants

NLCS: Braves & Cardinals

NL Champs: Braves

WORLD SERIES: Yankees

AL Cy Young: Jered Weaver

NL Cy Young: Roy Halladay

AL MVP: Robinson Cano

NL MVP: Troy Tulowitzki

AL Rookie of the Year: Yu Darvish

NL Rookie of the Year: Bryce Harper

AL Manager of the Year: Robin Ventura

NL Manager of the Year: Jim Tracy

AL Bust of the Year: CJ Wilson

NL Bust of the Year: Jose Reyes