JFG Nation, I wanted to revisit this question I threw out there almost two years ago: what are these?

The last time I did this, I got FreezEEE pops, Flavor Ice, Flav-R-Ice, Otter Pops, Icees, Freezie Pops, Freeze Pops, Push Pops, Ice Pops, Freezies, Freezer Pops, Freezer Bars, and Popsicle Ks. What the hell are Popsicle Ks? We may never know. I also note that a friend of mine called these Freezie Squeezies. She has a graduate degree.

So tell me in the comments below, Round 2: What are these?

Today’s junk food: Otter Pops Beach Breakers!!

Here’s the PR sheet on these:

“…new Otter Pops Beach Breakers, a new take on the iconic Otter Pop, featuring a smooth sorbet texture. Beach Breakers is available in a 20-count pack, the perfect size for summer gatherings and entertaining family and friends, and comes Otter Pops six original flavors paired with classic characters including Sir Isaac Lime, Alexander the Grape, Poncho Punch, Strawberry Short Kook, Louie-Bloo Raspberry, and Little Orphan Orange. Each pop is only 40 calories, fat-free, gluten-free, and kosher.”

So there you go. Bonus points: in the comments below, tell me what each of the flavors’ names is supposed to be a parody of. Example: Alexander the Grape is clearly Alexander the Great.

DO THESE TASTE GOOD? Yes.

WHY OR WHY NOT? These claim to have a smoother texture like a sorbet rather than the harder icy regular Otter Pops. I must say – these do! After I ripped off the end with my teeth, like ya do, I squeezed the frozen innards from the tube, and the bit into the frozen offering. It bit easily! I love these frozen things, but I still always get goosebumps remembering, as a child, biting into that pillar of ice and having it NOT snap off.

Normal Otter Pops contain: water, fruit juice from concentrate: apple or pear, sugar, contains less than 2% of the following: natural and artificial flavor, citric acid, sodium benzoate and potassium sorbate (preservatives), red 40, yellow 5, yellow 6, blue 1. These added PECTIN, otherwise known as a natural, plant-based gel that is used to make jams or jellies.

Well, let me tell you – the pectin worked. These are no longer ice daggers that you kinda sorta have to wait until they thaw before you eat them. These are MUCH easier to eat – the texture, while still solid and frozen, yields even more to the tooth. They don’t necessarily melt as easily, but the overall texture is more frozen snow-like than frozen ice.

Flavor wise? The exact same as the Otter Pops you know and love. Strong fruit punch flavor red. Strong blue raspberry flavor blue. Nothing quite new here. Just a great new texture.

I really loved these – one simple added ingredient made a big difference to me. Were these more sorbet-like? If thats what you want to call it. I call it improvement.

ANYTHING ELSE I SHOULD KNOW? BRAIN FREEZE STILL EXISTS OWWWWWW.

PURCHASED AT: Sent to me, but it looks like you can get these at Shop Rite, currently.

WHERE FOUND IN STORE? n/a

COST? n/a

Sincerely,

The JFG