Junk Food Nation, part of what I missed this week was a story about Floyd “Money” Mayweather, the top money-maker for boxing and the current boxing champion.  Now, most people I know hate Mayweather. Why? Because he wins all the time, he’s cocky, and he’s ostentatious with his money.  IMO, nothing REALLY to hate him for, he’s just a dick.  Oh wait, all those charges of beating up women.  Yeah, that’s something to detest, for sure.

Anyways, his most RECENT legal blemish has me shaking my head. Basically, Mayweather had some jewelry stolen, and suspected two employees/contractors that worked for him.  So, what would you naturally do next? Call the police? Maybe conduct an investigation? Maybe ASK them about it? Even if you’re paranoid – set up some surveillance, and set up a sting operation?

Nope – Mayweather does what any maniac would do – he invites the two men to an off-site location, and when they show up, he’s waiting there with a whole RACK of dudes with weapons and they give these suspected men THE BEATDOWN.  Like, sent-them-to-the-hospital-with-horrific-injuries-sort-of-BETADOWN. Because THAT is apparently the most rationale way of dealing with things in Mayweather’s idiot head – “EFF THE POLICE! I GOT MY SOCIAL JUSTICE RIGHT HERE IN THE FORM OF THESE FISTS.”

Except for one thing, surprise, surprise: Those two dudes might NOT have done anything at all, and Mayweather just assaulted these individuals for no reason. Well, one reason: HE’S A MORON.  Hey, what’s you do today? Oh, just felony assault and attempted murder for no reason, that’s all.

Look, I know we’re all thinking the same thing when we hear a story like this, so I won’t belabor the point. My only question: CAN SOMEONE PLEASE BEAT THIS GUY’S ASS IN THE RING?? It’s so annoying to me that he keeps winning all these fights.

Today’s junk food: New Ritz Bold Buffalo and Ranch Crackerfuls!

New Ritz Bold Buffalo and Ranch Crackerfuls: The Money Shot

New Ritz Bold Buffalo and Ranch Crackerfuls are the latest in the Ritz Crackerful line.  I’ve only reviewed a couple on this blog, I liked them.  Decent – nothing I went back to buy again, however.  This new Bold Buffalo had me intrigued though.  You don’t go dropping BOLD indiscriminately.

New Ritz Bold Buffalo and Ranch Crackerfuls: Is it real?

Here’s a newsflash, New Ritz Bold Buffalo and Ranch Crackerfuls – I don’t care about the nutritional value.  I feel like anyone going into this snack is not concerned about how many grams of whole grain they’re getting.

New Ritz Bold Buffalo and Ranch Crackerfuls: 140 a pack

New Ritz Bold Buffalo and Ranch Crackerfuls: SO MANY INGREDIENTS!

New Ritz Bold Buffalo and Ranch Crackerfuls contains over 30 ingredients, so I’m pretty sure these aren’t the most natural snack in the world.  Still, I love the phrase “Cayenne pepper sauce powder.”

New Ritz Bold Buffalo and Ranch Crackerfuls: The Other Money Shot

New Ritz Bold Buffalo and Ranch Crackerfuls are individually wrapped, and are slightly different than past Crackerfuls – rather than one big-ass rectangle of Ritz spanning the whole sleeve wrapper, it looks like these are broken down into three square Ritz sandwiches.

New Ritz Bold Buffalo and Ranch Crackerfuls: Three blind mice. I mean sandwiches.

New Ritz Bold Buffalo and Ranch Crackerfuls are so cute….for me to eat.  Each Ritz is sprinkled with some kind of seasoning – presumably the cayenne pepper sauce powder.  And the Ritz themselves are super-orange, which makes me think some of the cayenne and some of the cheese powder is baked into the Ritz itself too.

New Ritz Bold Buffalo and Ranch Crackerfuls: GAAAH

Opening up one of these New Ritz Bold Buffalo and Ranch Crackerfuls, you can see the “ranch cheese” that is inside.  Honestly, it doesn’t look THAT appetizing, but I’m not deterred.  Have you ever REALLY looked at a Cheeto? It’s an alien.  A DELICIOUS ALIEN.

New Ritz Bold Buffalo and Ranch Crackerfuls: close up

I took a bite of these New Ritz Bold Buffalo and Ranch Crackerfuls, and immediately the first taste I got was wing sauce.  Pretty good representation of hot wing sauce, to be honest.  When I licked cracker, I didn’t get much flavor – maybe a little spice.  When I sampled some of the cracker by itself, the was a little spicy and a bit cheesy, but nothing special.  Just a buttery Ritz.  That means all the flavor was in the ranch cheese.

New Ritz Bold Buffalo and Ranch Crackerfuls: pretty tasty!

I tasted the ranch cheese inside of these New Ritz Bold Buffalo and Ranch Crackerfuls by itself, and I was right – that’s where all the flavor was housed.  The cheese, by itself, started out with a GREAT tang that reminded me of wing sauce.  That flavor quickly faded and was replaced by a wonderful creamy ranch flavor.  Then as I chewed, the hot wing tang re-emerged, and then both flavors mixed – the creaminess of ranch with the tang and burn of wing sauce.  At times, I felt the ranch was a little overpowering, but when I thought about it, the resultant flavor was pretty spot on.

Honestly, I gotta give Nabisco a lot of credit here.  With a lot of snacks, the execution is so important, and might require thinking outside the box.  I remember being stunned that the cookie inside of the Gingerbread Twix wasn’t gingerbread, and that they had loaded the caramel with the gingerbread flavor, but IT WORKED. This was similar – they made the crackers buttery and orange looking, dusted them with the spice, and then loaded the actual vehicle for flavor, the cheese, with all the expected flavors.

Eaten all together, these Crackerfuls, IMO, tasted like you took a Ritz Cheese Sandwich, and dipped it into hot wing sauce mixed with ranch dressing.  Buttery, creamy, cheesy, tangy, spicy.  The burn afterward lingered a little.  I REALLY liked these.

Good work, Nabisco.

PURCHASED AT: Giant Food Grocery.

COST: $3.99 OUCH.

Thoughts? Please comment below or hit me up on Twitter @junkfoodguy or LIKE my Facebook Page and message me there. I also have Google+!! Let’s hang out.

Sincerely,

Junk Food Guy