Junk Food Nation, presenting the most viewed Youtube clip today:

Look, the jokes have all been made. If you look on Twitter and Facebook, the End-Of-The-World schtick has been in full chugging engine mode for the past month.  As December 21 hit around the world, I know some people expected sections of the planet to start exploding, time zone by time zone, like some Hunger Games sequel.

Moreover, the thing that killed me was that everyone said, “Oh, it’s happening at 1100pm!” What, Eastern Standard Time??  The Mayans wanted to make sure everything aligned with the New York Stock Exchange?

All I can say is, if this IS truly a new era, then please let it be with the Bills winning four Super Bowls in a row.  Thank you, Mayans.

Today’s junk food: Stacy’s Pretzel Bread Bakery Crisps!

Stacy’s Pretzel Bread Bakery Crisps: The Money Shot

Stacy’s Pretzel Bread Bakery Crisps were purchased in Costco, in a gigantic looking bag.  Like a mini pillow full of this bakery crisps.  The most uncomfortable pillow in the world.

Sliced

Stacy’s Pretzel Bread Bakery Crisps are ostensibly pretzel bread that has been sliced into thick discs and baked to a crisp…sort of like pretzel based crostinis.  Some crostinis shatter your teeth when you bite into them…would these be better?  I do like pretzel bread though – that thicker outer crust is perfect for meaty sandwiches of wetter meat, like pulled pork or chicken.

Twice baked

Stacy’s Pretzel Bread Bakery Crisps have about 20 calories per disc, which means if you’re a carb eater like me, it’ll be quite easy to reach 1000 calories in no time in one sitting!

Perfect for bruschetta?

MMMMMMMMMMM enriched flour

I like how it says “Contains Wheat Ingredients.” Isn’t the first ingredient wheat flour?  Do we need the dots connected more?

Thick scratchy slices

Tasty burnt edges

Let’s get right to tasting: Stacy’s Pretzel Bread Bakery Crisps were pretty good at first: Very crunchy – similar to all the bagel crisps and the like I’d had in the past, but because of the thicker cut, it sort of felt like I was crunching on big crouton crackers.  Very crunchy.  Not a lot of refinement in texture, either, which was a good thing – the edges were scratchy and reflected genuine cuts of pretzel bread.

The taste was another story, however.  Yes, this was exactly what you’d expect it to be – carb-y, salty, and full of enriched sugar bliss.  But whatever great carb experience this could’ve been was slightly marred for me because each chip seemed like it was SOAKED in butter and salt!!! At first I thought it was just a slightly dose of butter and salt, but after a few crisps, my arteries were clogged…these replicated the amount of butter and salt that are normally on hot pretzels.  Which, honestly, I love on a warm pretzel…but on a room temperature.  But on a crisp? I dunno, it killed.

DIP DIP DIP

I decided to pair these Stacy’s Pretzel Bread Bakery Crisps with some Herlocher Dipping Mustard I got at the recent Metro Cooking Show.

Some thick-ass mustard

Herlocher’s Dipping Mustard is a sweeter mustard that I actually really like – good bit of tang, and is more like a honey mustard than anything else.  Still with a good vinegary flavor, it normally contrasts perfectly with the sort of bitter outside of a warm pretzel.

Golden sauce

The Herlocher’s made these Stacy’s Pretzel Bread Bakery Crisps better, but I was still overwhelmed with the buttery aftertaste of it all.  I love butter, but this was still too much for me.  Sorry, Stacy’s – I will stick with your less greasy Pita Chips.

PURCHASED AT: Costco

COST: $5-ish for a gigantic bag

Thoughts? Please comment below or hit me up on Twitter @junkfoodguy or LIKE my Facebook Page and message me there. I also have Google+!! Let’s hang out.

Sincerely,

Junk Food Guy