Hey Junk Food Nation.  I won’t even begin to tell you why I’m late this morning. I’ll just say two things.  1) Bad Chinese food is exactly that – bad.  2) Thanks to Jodie for the banana bread.  Needs more Skittles in it before I’d consider it junk food, but it was damn good.

Since I’ve been obsessed with OBSESSED with Olympic watching, it’s time to go back to Ireland for more musings. Tell me you love these Irish blog posts.  TELL ME.

Londis, the Off License Food Hall

When I was in Ireland, there were a lot of these around – Off License store fronts.  Basically, they looked like 7-11’s, but they could sell alcohol.  Off License means they have a license to sell booze to be consumed OFF the premises.  Makes sense.  They also sell porn which could be viewed ON premises so….yeah.

A good luck gift from Ireland

Most of these store fronts had novelty gifts as well, which is what I wanted to focus on today. Tourism is a big part of the Irish economy, and the stores were jammed pack with branded items.  Take for example, the shortbread above – “Shamrock Shortbread: A Good Luck Gift from Ireland.” The gift, by the way, is cholesterol.

Booze it up, ya lush!

Other novelty gifts also included lots of booze, something the Irish are known for, I guess.  Jellies and marmalade made with whiskey was a common thing to see.  After tasting Irish Whiskey Fudge, I actually have zero interest to know how these marmalades taste.  Yuck.

Stay classy

As expected, Leprechauns were a big theme too – cartooned, painted, etc.  This set of lighters was one of the first things I saw on my trip.  The bottoms of the lights double as bottle openers.  Awesome. But this is definitely one of those gifts that’s funnier on the hook than in your home later.  The first time you lend your friends this lighter, they chuckle and say, “That’s hilarious!”  The second time, half the decal is rubbed off, it’s a little banged up, and it just looks like a nasty white and green lighter. Fun.

Cause when I think CLEAN, I think PIG

This is what passes for “luxury soap” in Ireland.  It’s pink soap shaped like a pig.  Right…and someone’s gonna take this soap and wash their naughty bits with it.  That IS luxury.

This mug was $10!

A mug I found at a rest stop in Ireland.  It featured all the things Ireland is known for.  The Limerick Castle, the Ring of Kerry, and right by my finger, RAIN. Hey, since you have tons of it, why NOT sell it as a highlight??

Yikes – I wouldn’t run any of these through my hair

These Mobile Beauty Salons are actually a brush that unfolds and the other half is a mirror.  The Irish love euphemisms, no?  I also appreciate that these brushes had initials and names on them, JUST IN CASE YOU NEED A PERSONALIZED FOLDING BRUSH.

Er….

NOT the best baby in the world FOR SURE, but proooobbbaably the best one.

Now THAT’S cool

Soccer is obviously a big sport in the UK, and this chocolate sneaker was an impressive novelty item.  It actually really did look like a sneaker – complete with piping and cleats and stitches.  You know how sometimes you get something, and it says, e.g., “Chocolate Elephant!” and you unwrap it and it looks like an elephant who either sat too close to the sun, or like a elephant if a three year old drew one with their eyes closed?  This was not that – this Footy Boot was a piece of art. White and Dark Chocolate piping?? C’mon…how can you NOT be impressed??

GAAAAH!

And finally, my favorite novelty item of the trip: A chocolate egg with a candy bunny implanted on it.  Like the slogan says, “Cute enough to eat.” If this is cute, then my nightmares are very cute. That bunny is deformed and should have a mask on singing “Music of the Night.” Back to Hell with you, monster bunny!

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Sincerely,

Junk Food Guy