Since its the Fall, with endless football games on TV, I’ve been frequenting the local sports bar scene more often than usual.  And I was at a bar recently where I’d had a few beers and decided I needed to go solve some problems. Off to the bathroom I went. I stepped into the bathroom, and died a little.  To quote Dennis Miller, it smelled like a guy eating cheese while getting a permanent inside the septic tank of a slaughterhouse.  Good lord.

What was REALLY going there? I mean, what actual legitimate excuse does a bar/club/restaurant have for a bathroom that SMELLS like that? There are only two rationales I could come up with. FIRST: the establishment just doesn’t care. Sure, staff members have gone in and realized it smelled like someone set a sulphur plant on fire, but they don’t care.  No need to Febreeze, mop, clean the counters, clean the stalls, nope – just let it ride like we’re in Vegas. Let that bacterial stink ride.

Or SECOND: the clientele is just full of pigs.  Plain and simple – when the user is foul, so is the bathroom.

My own story of horror: there’s a particular bar that used to exist that shall go unnamed (the Brickskeller) whose downstairs bathroom I dubbed “the worst bathroom in DC.”  First, the smell – a high school boys pool lockerroom.  All the tile had that same wet mold/dirt stain on it. Second, everything was wet.  You couldn’t pull down your pants in the stall for fear you’d soak up the moisture on the ground.  The sink was covered in water.  Third, dimly lit – not sure if that was intentional.  Fourth, NO paper towels and a broke-down air hand dryer.  Talk about unsanitary.

The place shut down and was reopened/renovated/something happened recently.  I haven’t been yet, but reports from my friends is that the bathroom situation has been upgraded!  We’ll see.

Today’s junk food: Lifesavers Gummies Collisions!

The Money Shot

Lifesavers Gummies Collisions are the latest in the line of Lifesaver Gummies.  As I noted in this post, I am a gummy sort of person.  So when I saw NEW and 2-Flavors-in-1, I knew I had to try.  After all, I’d had a lot of success with the Jolly Ranchers gummy candy that was a combo of fruity flavors – these had to be just as good, right?

Collisions...that sounds violent

Lifesavers Gummies Collisions is the name for this candy, but the bag is poorly designed…besides the obvious reference of two things coming together, there’s no indication of any collision on the bag.  There’s no pictures of fruit running together, etc.  Does “collisions” just sound more exciting?  Not to me.

Food combinations

I like the flavor combos here, however.  Pineapple punch seems like a no-brainer, and raspberry lemonade? Tasty.  Cherry watermelon…I’ll reserve my judgment.

Sidenote: this bag was REALLY colorful.  I felt like I was about to eat a circus.

Leave the jokes to professionals...ok?

…Not funny. At all, Lifesavers Gummies Collisions.  Booooooooooooooo.

Its like a bag full of bean bag chairs!

Lifesavers Gummies Collisions look like toys in a bag, like a bunch of alien glow balls.  The colors of this candy are SO vibrant, I KNOW these are not good for me.

Neon life preservers

I mean, seriously, HOW do they get these rubbery chewy morsels to LOOK like this?  They’re JUST as the bag showed, and perfect.  They even have the Lifesaver letters on them!  This is an engineering marvel – forget building an engine that can run on ethanol, make more of these blickies!

Mmmmmmm gelatin

Ok, time to taste.  The Raspberry Lemonade gummy – definitely lemony, and I got a slight hint of raspberry, but only in that the lemony flavor ended with a sweet flavor rather than a citrusy one.  The Pineapple Punch gummy – hmmm didn’t really get a fruit punch flavor; this just tasted like a sweet fruit flavored gummy.  If I closed my eyes and thought “This is…strawberry pineapple flavor” I think I would’ve tasted that.  The Cherry Watermelon was actually the only gummy that tasted distinctive – I definitely tasted the sharp bite of the cherry right off the bat and as I chewed, the roundness of watermelon flavor came through to mix with the cherry.  Very good.

Overall, meh.  I love Lifesaver Gummies, and these were just fine, but nothing that would make me want to buy these again.  Eatable, but not memorable.

Have you ever dealt with particularly horrible public bathrooms or had these Gummies?  Tell me in the comments below or hit me on Twitter @junkfoodguy or on my Facebook Page.

Sincerely, Junk Food Guy