I opened up my Weather app on my iPhone, and the following temperatures were staring me in the face for the coming week: 95, 101, 102, 101.  Um, excuse me?  I live in DC, not Hades.  How is this happening?! Is it normal for my flip-flips to be melting as I walk?

This is not a debate about global warming or climate change, but I have to say this: these temperatures CANNOT be normal.  I certainly don’t remember things getting this hot when I was a child!  Plus, DC has something like 85% humidity.  I like sweat as much as the next person (note: I don’t like sweat), but come on – yeah this dark blue shirt I’m wearing?  It’s not supposed to be dark blue.  Oh yeah, by the way, I’m gross.

Lucky for me, my building is old enough that there isn’t central air, and it’s just wall units.  What do I mean, lucky for me?  Well, anyone who’s ever lived in a high rise knows that the building controls the A/C – and a lot of times, they don’t turn it on until after a certain date (usually Memorial Day). They also shut it down around Labor Day.  Not me – I run my wall units into the ground all day long.  I can turn on the A/C in the winter if I need to – just in case I want to refrigerate something on my ottoman.

Anyways, enough bitching and onto today’s junk food: Kellogg’s Pop-Tarts Frosted Strawberry Mini Crisps (Tasty Baked Bites)!  The longest name for a junk food in the world.

Morning surprise!

When I arrived at work a couple days ago, I found this treat lying on my keyboard.  My friend Melissa had graciously left it for me to review, so here we go!  (PS: yes that is my enormously complex TweetDeck running in the background.)

The Money Shot

Kellogg’s Pop-Tarts Frosted Strawberry Mini Crisps are the 100-calorie “healthy” alternative to actual Pop-Tarts.  Presumably for people on diets.  Real Pop-Tarts have 10000 calories, I believe. So these are…better.

The problem with 100-calories packs is that the snacks inside tend to be light as air and there are only like five or six pieces inside, so you end up snarfing down four packs just to feel like you’ve eaten something. And where’s the diet in that!?

Honey I shrunk the Pop Tarts!

I appreciate that the package attempts to show us what these Mini Crisps will look like; although, to be honest, it just looks like little cartoon Pop-Tarts!  I have no scale reference for this photo. Not helpful, Kellogg’s.

Whenever something is both naturally AND artificially flavored, I’m wary.  What do you gain by saying that both types of flavoring are represented?  If someone is looking for all natural, they’re gonna be disappointed.  And you’re certainly not gaining consumers by pimping the mix, as some “amazing hybrid of natural and artificial flavors!”

Like a bag of holiday cookies!

Upon opening the bag, I was pleasantly surprised.  For one, they did indeed LOOK like mini Pop-Tarts, but more than that, they reminded me of simple frosted sugar cookies that I grew up on.  And ate a lot of.

Additionally, it looked like there were 20 or so cookies in this pouch.  Not bad for 100 calories.

This is what I wanted to Cupcake Goldfish to look like

What I loved also was the colored sugar sprinkles.  Sprinkles make EVERYTHING, and I mean everything, BETTER.  Sprinkles make on cake?  A party.  Sprinkles on ice cream?? Forget it – we’re closing down shop and doing the Dougie around the globe.  Nicely frosted, covered in candy sugar, I could tell these Mini Crisps were gonna be good.  Hopefully the taste would hold up…

Perfectly frosted

…MMmmm and they did!  With one bite, I immediately got the frosted strawberry flavor reminiscent of a Strawberry Pop-Tart.  No jelly filling inside, of course, but the initial taste and after-taste delivered on the promise of the description.  Each crisps also had that cakey dough taste of a Pop-Tart.  Kudos, Kellogg’s – I guess if I was dieting, I’d have to eat these.

Oh heck, I’ll just eat them all the time anyways.

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Did I mention I have to wear a suit for work?  Yeah, awesome.  Stay cool everyone!

Sincerely, Junk Food Guy